Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Ifeoma Thompson, Relationship Coach, OTR/L, MAPAC

Do you remember ever being taught how to be a good spouse? Unfortunately, there aren’t many classes in high school or college that teach us how to be successful in long-term relationships, hence, divorce is common. This is regrettable, because a fulfilling relationship/marriage can bring so much toward having a thriving and successful life.There are many things you can do to strengthen your marriage and make it last until death do you part. If you want to have the best chance of marital success, it’s a wise idea to learn some of these strategies.

Researchers have shared these tips on how to strengthen marriages and make them last:

  1. Have realistic expectations. It’s easy to make it through the early stages of a relationship when everything is new and exciting. But those annoying little habits aren’t quite as cute and endearing ten years into the future. A relationship requires work and energy to grow and thrive.

  2. Be Quick to Apologize and Quick to Forgive. Despite your best efforts, you’ll make mistakes in your marriage. Studies have shown that the people slowest to apologize are the ones most likely to stay single or get divorced.
    • Sometimes you have to decide if you’d rather be correct or happy. Be strong enough to say you’re Sorry Quickly and be receptive enough to Forgive Quickly for peace to reign. Then move on.
  • 3.Conflict Is Not The Problem. You Are! The presence of argument in a relationship in inevitable, as long as you are two different people then you are bound to get to a place where you see things differently, and this is absolutely Ok and as a matter of fact, Healthy! 

What makes conflict an issue is the way the couple involved handle the conflict, are you listening to each other or are you talking over one another? Are you compromising or must your way be the only way or the highway??? Are you empathizing with one another?

 One psychologist claims a 95% success rate for predicting which relationships would fail just by listening to an argument for five minutes!

The four factors that make all the difference when you argue are: Contempt, Defensiveness, Criticism, and Stonewalling. Avoid these behaviors and your marriage is more likely to survive.

  • 4.Laugh together. Remember the good times you’ve shared. Talk about them and relive them. Reminiscing about fun times helps keep couples together.

If you can’t think of any fun times to laugh about, then put on a comedy show, watch a crazy funny TikTok together, Watch YouTube funny videos together. Instead of watching them separately on your phones, screen share it on Television and watch it there together

  • Consider creating some happy, new memories and remind your partner about the great times you’ve already enjoyed.
  • Laughing together strengthens your marriage
  • You need five good times for each bad one. Research has shown that marriages require at least five positive interactions for each negative one. What is a good interaction? A fun afternoon, a positive conversation, or a good hug.

5.You can complain but avoid criticizing. If your partner’s behavior is bothering you, it’s okay to point it out and ask them to stop. But, avoid attacking your partner. You can say, “It drives me crazy when you throw your dirty socks all over the floor.” But avoid saying, “You’re such a slob. What’s your problem?”

  • Most people can accept that they might be doing something bothersome. However, that’s different from being personally attacked.

A happy marriage is important for you and your children. There are times when we all have to put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to strengthen our relationships. These tips will help you work toward a happy partnership as you give your marriage the time and attention it deserves.

Talk Soon!:)

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