Ifeoma Thompson, Relationship Coach, OTR/L, MAPAC
Do you suffer from low self-esteem and wonder the root cause of it? There are many potential causes of low self-esteem. It has been said that we spend the last 60 years of life recovering from the first 18. In many cases, the first 18 years of life give our self-esteem a beating, and adults aren’t immune from self-esteem issues either. Why is it important to know this piece of information about yourself? Because you can’t solve a problem if you don’t believe you have one.
When it comes to relationships/marriages, the saying that goes ” it takes two…”…well…doesn’t always apply here. It only takes one to decide what type of action or reaction your gonna give to a situation. You get to decide the amount of energy your going to invest in talking to a husband who is clearly not listening to you, it does not take two to make this decision, it takes one, YOU. You get to decide if your going to continue paying for Netflix after you’ve explained to your wife that her favorite show is also shown on Hulu, hence, Netflix needs to be canceled. It does not take two to call the Netflix company and cancel Netflix, it takes one. This behavior is known as setting healthy boundaries, but the courage to set healthy boundaries and follow through with them come from having a solid self esteem. So, it safe to say that a happy and fulfilling marriage is made up of two individual with good self esteem. Do you have good self esteem? Don’t worry, if you struggle in this area, just know, your not alone.
Increasing your self-esteem will enrich your life in countless ways. Your social life, relationships, marriage, finances, and happiness can all grow, but the first step to solving a problem is identifying the problem.
Determine the cause of your self-esteem challenges:
- Peers. This is especially true during the school-age years, but it can apply to adults as well. It’s natural to want to be respected and liked by one’s peers. Bullying, teasing, and other social-related issues can result in a loss of self-esteem.
- Family. Unfortunately, some parents are simply toxic.
- Chronic Critical parents, or other family members who are very critical can harm a child’s self-esteem. This can then be carried into adulthood. If your parents were less than spectacular, remember that you’re not alone.
- Previous mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but some people forgive themselves more easily than others. The past is over. Look forward to new experiences and set healthy boundaries.
- Negative recurring thoughts. Negative thought patterns over years and decades can create a negative self-image. That’s why it’s so important to stay positive. Avoid underestimating the power of your thoughts.
- Failure. Whether you failed to win the big game or land the big client, any perceived failure can result in a loss of confidence and self-esteem. Refrain how you view failure. Learn from your undesirable results. Only get upset with yourself if you continue to fail in the same manner. Change your approach if it isn’t working.
- Unreasonable goals. Goals that are too big lead to failure. Ensure that your goals are challenging, but within reason for you. Getting too carried away increases the likelihood of a negative outcome and poor self-esteem.
- Body Image. Society judges people based on appearances. You might be doing the same to yourself. Strive to be cognizant of your health but accept that everyone is shaped differently, and change can take time. Females are more likely to suffer from body image issues, but males can also face challenges.
- Trauma can take many forms: sexual, physical, or emotional. Any of these can result in low self-esteem. If you’re suffering from the results of traumatic experiences, getting professional help can be a wise decision.
- Poor academic performance. School has a social component, but it’s supposed to be about the academics. However, poor grades can be viewed as failing the purpose of attending school in the first place. Ensure that your child has the academic support they need to be successful in school.
- Media. Media puts forth images of success and beauty that are out of reach for the average person. It doesn’t help that many of those images are manufactured and inaccurate. Holding yourself to an unreasonable standard causes you to feel bad about yourself. If you must compare yourself to someone, use a reasonable frame of reference.
Low self-esteem is a common issue. Understanding the cause of the low opinionated thoughts of yourself can help determine the solution. Everyone deals with low self-esteem days. But suffering from low self-esteem over a long period of time can lead to depression. Examine your past and find the source of your negative self-image. Develop a plan on how to change your perspective, focus on the positive and learn from past mistakes.
